Lorelai Gilmore is one of TV's most iconic and beloved characters, but there are certain realities about her that cannot be ignored.
SUMMARY
- Lorelai's inconsistent feelings towards her parents contribute to her character's flaws and inconsistency.
- Lorelai's mean-spirited remarks and fat-shaming show a side of her that is judgmental and inconsiderate.
- Lorelai's poor communication skills, including using the silent treatment, negatively impact her relationships and influence her daughter's behavior.
While Lorelai from Gilmore Girls is one of the most beloved characters in entertainment, there are certain problematic tendencies of hers that cannot be overlooked. Played by talented Gilmore Girls cast member, Lauren Graham, Lorelai is marked by her quick wit, dedication to her daughter, and strong ambition. The feel-good show would not have had the same cultural reverence that it does without her, but she was far from a perfect character and role model.
Given the popularity of the show, it is only natural that viewers revisit Gilmore Girls for a re-watch. When watching the show for the first time, there is so much to focus on between the quick-witted banter and the dramatic storylines that there is little time to focus on who the characters really are. During a second or third run-through of Gilmore Girls, however, it can become evident that Lorelai is a flawed character with a number of unflattering dispositions. These don't overshadow her good qualities but are problematic enough to be subject to criticism.
Lorelai Was Inconsistent In Her Feelings About Her Parents
Lorelai takes money from them to pay for Rory's education but comes across as a bit ungrateful for their help. Despite relying on them, Lorelai can often be heard complaining about them. She begrudgingly attends family dinner on Friday nights, even though their purpose is for Richard and Emily to get to know Rory better and develop a stronger relationship with her. She didn't tell her parents about her engagement to Max but can often be seen as having a somewhat close relationship with her mother. It seems like Lorelai couldn't quite figure out the role she wanted her parents to play in her life, leading her to be inconsistent.
Lorelai Can Be Mean-Spirited
One of Lorelai's defining characteristics is her wit and sarcasm, and most of the time she is lighthearted in nature. However, sometimes she crosses the line and comes across as mean-spirited and harsh. Her fat-shaming, for example, was completely unacceptable and made her seem like a judgmental and inconsiderate person. She can be heard comparing a ballerina to a hippo and being disgusted by the size of another woman's underwear.
While this never would have been acceptable, if she had recognized the error of these sorts of comments and stopped making them, it could have been seen as poor decision-making rather than a fundamental character flaw. However, she can be seen making rude comments in the revival, as well. In a scene by the pool, she and Rory say things like "Back fat Pat" and "Belly Alert". This is, arguably, Lorelai's worst trait, and the fact that she hadn't fixed her behavior by the revival only added insult to injury.
Lorelai Has Poor Communication Skills
Although Lorelai and Rory's mother-daughter relationship is unconventional in that they are also good friends, Lorelai still has a responsibility to model good communication skills for her daughter, which she can sometimes fail to do. When Rory decides to drop out of Yale, Lorelai is unhappy about it, and her solution is to freeze her out for months. This unhealthy tendency passes down to Rory, as she gives the silent treatment to Logan when they get into a fight instead of talking it through. The Gilmore family is not the only ones guilty of this, though, as Chris, Luke, and Jess can be seen doing it as well.
Lorelai Has Selfish Tendencies
Although Lorelai exhibited selflessness on many occasions, it is clear that she does have selfish tendencies that follow her around and shape her decision-making. In A Year in the Life, for example, Lorelai made a speech at her father's funeral about how her father wasn't there for her growing up. Regardless of whether this was true, this was a selfish move and hurtful to her mother. She also made things difficult for Rory when she started dating Logan by focusing on her own preconceived notions about him and his status, rather than on the fact that he made her daughter happy.
Lorelai Has Used People
Lorelai's treatment of Christopher is the clearest example of her using people and being inconsiderate of their feelings. Although Christopher is far from perfect, he doesn't deserve only being turned to in periods of emotional vulnerability or crisis. She leaned on him for emotional support when necessary but was always hesitant to commit to a long-term relationship.
Lorelai Pushes Her Own Dreams & Aspirations On To Her Daughter
Although inadvertent, Lorelai pushes her own dreams and aspirations onto Rory, which is not ideal. For example, Lorelai has very high expectations for Rory's academic success, wanting her to achieve the Ivy League education that she never obtained. While there is nothing wrong with a mother pushing her daughter to be successful, Lorelai's expectations for Rory were extremely high and may have put undue pressure on Rory. She was also upset when Rory decided to apply to Yale, indicating that, at times, she didn't recognize that Rory's future didn't need to exactly mirror what Lorelai once wanted for her own.
Lorelai Was Jealous Of Rory's Relationship With Emily & Richard
Given the complicated nature of Lorelai's relationship with her parents, it could be justified that there would be some discomfort when Rory began to get close to them. However, Lorelai was envious of Rory's relationship with Emily and Richard, which was not fair because Lorelai made little effort to mend her own relationship with them. When Rory goes golfing with Richard in season 1, episode 3, "Kill Me Know" and has a good time with him, Lorelai becomes envious and picks a fight with Rory over something completely unrelated.
After Rory dropped out of Yale, Richard initially was planning to tell her to go back. When he saw how upset Rory was, though, he sympathized with her and supported her decision. Lorelai may have been hurt by this decision, feeling like her dad betrayed her and her daughter was choosing him over her, but her jealousy still felt unwarranted. She should have recognized that her parents love and want the best for Rory, just as she did, and their perspective on the situation didn't threaten her role in Rory's life.
Lorelai Is Not A Great Friend To Sookie
Sookie is depicted as Lorelai's closest friend, so it's unfortunate that Lorelai can often be seen treating her poorly. When Sookie misses an important meeting because she has just had a baby and is trying to navigate new motherhood, Lorelai fails to be sympathetic and, instead, chews her out. Considering Sookie expressed remorse over missing the meeting, Lorelai could have shown a little bit more understanding. In addition, Lorelai can often be heard saying, "Stop talking, Sookie", which is quite a demeaning thing to say to a good friend. This leads to Sookie being apprehensive to tell Lorelai things at certain points, indicating that their dynamic might be unhealthy.
Lorelai Unfairly Blames People
While having your child be involved in a car accident is difficult to deal with, Lorelai dealt with it all wrong and unfairly blamed Luke. She went so far as to tell him, "That little punk nephew of yours almost killed my kid tonight" and pinned the entire situation on him. This situation highlighted that, sometimes, Lorelai does not have the emotional maturity to be able to handle tough situations and, instead, looks to blame other people. In this situation, she also failed to recognize that Luke has a vested interest in Rory, as well, which means he was probably worried about her also, and yelling at him was unfair.
Lorelai Has Commitment Issues
It's completely natural for relationships to have their ups and downs, but Lorelai's all seem to face the same hurdle - her commitment issues. Things with Luke, for example, were made far more complicated by the fact that Lorelai did not know how to fully commit to a partner. She asked him to marry her but kept pushing back the wedding out of apprehension. When they get into a fight, she sleeps with Rory's father, Christopher, the same night. This tendency was also exhibited throughout Gilmore Girls during Lorelai and Max's relationship, which was extremely back and forth, and Lorelai ultimately decided not to marry him right before the wedding.
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